The Idol

Initially appeared on doktorko.com 6/17/2005.

A few weeks ago i attended the graduation of Internal Medicine residents. Our venerable Program Director made it a point to read from the "Personal Statement" each resident turned in before entering the program. The purpose (i assume), was to show to the audience what each graduate's original goal was - and how far s/he had gone towards realizing that goal.

One of the residents hailed from a Third World country, and once i heard his PS declaration i had to pick my jaw up off the floor: he wanted to "work part-time in the US and work part-time in his home country to help the underprivileged."

OMG! WORK PART-TIME IN THE US AND WORK PART-TIME IN HIS HOME COUNTRY TO HELP THE UNDERPRIVILEGED! WOW! Here is someone who has NOT been blinded by the "American Dream," someone who is actually WILLING to spend a significant part of his life working towards the betterment of his countrymen! Someone who has RETAINED the idealistic purpose that EVERYONE purports to have once they go abroad but somehow "lose" in the shuffle once they "come to their senses" and realize how much better life is (earning sweet dollars, of course) in the LAND OF THE FREE.

With my mind in a frenzy, i thought: Brilliant! This is the SOLUTION to the PROBLEM of viability! This is a way to serve the TRULY underserved while NOT neglecting my loved ones! I have to touch base with this guy - i have to find out what makes him tick! I HAVE TO KNOW how he figured out the monstrous logistics of traveling back and forth! I MUST learn what he did so i can do it myself! This essential knowledge must be SHARED! But he and the other graduates were beaming on stage so i decided to bide my time.

The next day, i had my chance. I was in the cafeteria having lunch and he was chatting away with one of the interns. So i plop my plate of food on the table and sit beside this man - what man? this GOD, my IDOL.

Smiling like an idiot, i blurt out: "So... Dr. X read your PS at the graduation. You really want to work part-time here and back home?"

Chewing on his food, he says: "What?"

"How did you figure out working 6 months here and 6 months at home?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, your PS said that you wanted to work part-time here and part-time in your home country."

He smiles. "Oh yeah. I don't even remember what i put in my PS. I can't believe Dr. X even remembers that stuff."

I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Still, i press on: "So how do you plan on working here part-time and working there part-time? I mean, the logistics..."

He cuts me off with a chuckle. "No, i think you misunderstood. What i MEANT was that i wanted to practice medicine here and then occasionally do medical missions back home. I don't think it's possible to work part-time here and part-time there."

Every muscle in my face rebels against the smile i have plastered on. Through sheer force of will, i keep my expression frozen. "Ok, sorry about that."

He laughs like my concept is the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. The intern laughs too. They go back to talking about inane things. Slowly, i turn back to my food, stick my fork in my mashed potatoes, and shovel it into my mouth.

But the food tastes like ashes and suddenly i feel very alone.