Pretentious Fool

Initially appeared on doktorko.com 3/5/2006.

It was 510PM.  I had just put my coat on and was getting ready to head out when my pager went off.  Although my attending had technically called it a day for me, there are some things that you just can't resist - so i went to the nearest phone and dialled the number.

"Hello," i said gruffly, not happy to be called back in when i was halfway out of the hospital.

"Hello - may i speak with Dr. Josebelo Chong?" inquired the voice on the other end.  I didn't know who it was, but the accent was unmistakeably Filipino.  Saying "dok-tor" instead of "dahk-ter", "ho-seh" instead of "hoe-zay", and "chong" instead of "chung", "chang", or even "cheng" (these Americans can never pronounce my last name right) was a dead giveaway.

"Who is this?" i asked.

"This is Kevin," (a nice benign WASPish name) "from Company X.  I'd like to talk to you about job opportunities..."

"Uh, i'm kind of busy right now.  Why don't you just email me the information?"

And so on and so forth.  I've received phone calls like these before - recruiters who page you through the hospital paging system (of course you can't ignore them for fear of missing a legitimate call).  They call you up in the middle of the day and try to discuss whatever - as if you had some down time to spare chatting about job openings in some godforsaken place when you're five admissions behind.  I wasn't five admissions behind, but i did want to go home so i could clean my oven.  So despite his persistence, i sidestepped his advances, parried his attempts to engage me and just gave him my email address.

But before we parted ways, i couldn't resist.  I had to ask, "Tell me where are you from?"

A split-second delay.  "I'm calling from... Indiana.  Yes, from Indiana."  (note that he said "Indi-uhna," not "Indi-ehna")

Me: "Oh, ok.  I thought you sounded Filipino."

"Oh!" with some surprise.  "Oh yes... I am actually half-Filipino.  My mom is from a place i think you call 'Pampanga.'" (note that he said "Pampanga" with the correct intonation, including the nasal "ng")

So i said, "Aaaah... marunong ka pala mag-Tagalog?"

"Oh!  Yes!" (such enthusiasm!)  "I can say 'Maraming salamat,' which i think is passable Tagalog." (note that he said "Maraming salamat in perfect Tagalog, but "passable" as "puh-suh-bol")

By then i was equal parts amused and p!ssed off.  So i just wrapped it up and hung up.

Now - i'm all for outsourcing as it pours much-needed capital into our Motherland that's drowning in debt, but this episode was just completely stupid.  It's as pretentious as this idiot.  I can understand keeping up the charade when you're speaking to some poor slob on the other end who's yelling expletives because he can't figure out the right way push his computer's ON button, but to your kabayan who's explicitly talking to you in your native tongue because your accent sounds so farking fake?

Yes, i know i'm probably being too harsh on him and his ilk, that he was only doing his job, that it's company policy to pretend you're US-based, that he just needs more accent training, blah-blah-blah - it's just that i found it so unbelievably... well, UNBELIEVABLE.

From Indi-uh-na pala, ha?  LOL.

Or more appropriately, ULOL!