My Resolution

Initially appeared on doktorko.com 8/15/2005.

The report was about the sad state of prisons in the Philippines. Specifically, it showed "Navutos Prison," (i assume they meant "Navotas") and how the prisoners have to be packed like sardines, how children are put in the same cells as pedophiles, and how petty thieves are lumped together with murderers. Then they proceeded to show how living conditions are pretty much the same (sometimes even worse) outside the prisons: picking out sellable or useful things in dumping grounds (a la Smokey Mountain) and surviving on the streets from day-to-day.

I felt a turmoil of emotions go through me, and very softly, i felt my heart explode.

Back home, people are starving for lack of money to put a cup of rice on the floor (they have no tables); they steal simply to get by and get thrown in prisons with hellacious conditions (think Abu Ghraib) when they get caught; they get sick from unsanitary living conditions all around them; they die from diseases that we can easily cure with modern (but expensive) antibiotics. These people - MY people. My fellow Filipinos. Meanwhile, here i am 8000 miles away, playing poker and shopping for new shoes, enjoying my money and free time, wondering how i can make more than the cool million (in pesos) that i already make every year.

There really is no justice in the world. What have i done to deserve more than my fellow countrymen? Nothing. I have been given more - which means nothing, only that i have more to give back.

I can imagine many of the Filipino-Americans here watching the same show. Likely the predominant sentiment will be: "Grabe talaga sa Pilipinas. Ayoko na talaga bumalik dun/Buti na lang nandito na ako." As usual, there will be pointing of fingers, pointing to the government, the rich, the elite - the ones with the means to make things better, but do not for reasons of their own.

Of course, no one will point at the legions of professionals who leave the motherland to seek their fortunes abroad - people who are born, bred, and educated in the Philippines but end up enriching other countries where they eventually settle. Mayhap the thought is that these people should not be singled out, because they DO make charitable contributions - say $1000 out of the $200,000 (0.5%) that they make in a year. Or maybe they donate up to 336 out of the 8760 hours (0.04%) in a calendar year to do some sort of mission work.

Is this enough? Maybe, maybe not. Who's to judge? After all, no one should be expected to save the Philippines on his or her own. (Except maybe PGMA, who everyone blames for everything.) And if the living conditions really are as bad as people claim - who can blame others for running away and making better lives for themselves?

To each his own. As for me, i take ownership of this problem.

I WILL go back and fix our country.

The truth is: i will likely not be honored nor remembered. I will be laughed at many more times than i already have (which, at this early stage, is already a lot). I may not even be able to save one life. In all probability, i might just be chasing after some pipe dream, going on a foolish quest of trying to save mankind, doomed to fail and die in obscurity and disappointment.

But at least i will have tried.